“Who the fuck are these people? They won’t stop calling me! I can’t even use my phone because people are calling me literally all the time! Oh, my god! See? They’re calling right now! What is that area code? (307)? Is that in Wyoming? GOD! MAKE IT STOP! I thought I got on the do not call list back in 2011! Was that not a real thing?”

Miranda M.Recipient

“All I have to say is, ‘wow”! One day I’m standing by the water cooler with my fellow insurance adjusters, complaining about how shrill and bitchy that totally ugly receptionist is, and the next day, after calling you, I find out that she’s been fired! I don’t know how you did it, but thanks, Tormentors R Us! You guys are so alpha!”

Greg H.Customer

“I’ve always hated my smug dork of a brother, but I could never do anything about it because he’s family and I have morals. But thanks to Tormentors R Us, I didn’t have to do anything at all besides click one button (maybe make “one button” a link to the store?) and poof! A chain of horrible events totally out of my control is set off, and I can look the other way and enjoy a nice brunch as my brother’s life crumbles around him! Thanks for taking revenge off my hands, and off my conscience!”

Cain O.Customer

“I lost my wife. I lost my job. I lost everything I ever loved, everything I ever held dear, due to the actions of Tormentors R Us and their wretched Mean Team™. They took it from me - all of it. These people are pure evil, and they must be stopped at any cost.”

Devin K.Recipient