Tormentors R Us is unanimously regarded as the leading player in the Torment by Proxy industry. Send us the name of someone who deserves to be bullied, bothered, and harassed, and we’ll do the rest. Their life will become the nightmare of your dreams!
Here at Tormentors R Us, we know how busy you are and how hard you work every single day. But working hard and being the best person possible doesn’t stop stupid annoying people who you hate from slithering into your otherwise awesome life. You know you have a duty to put these people in their place, but there are only so many hours in a day! What to do?
Never fear: Tormentors R Us is here to take the burden of harassing your enemies off your capable American hands, so that you can spend your valuable time doing what you do best: whatever the fuck you want.
Since 2016, Tormentors R Us has been on the cutting edge of Torment by Proxy techniques, strategies, and technology. With a plethora of products to help ruin the lives of your enemies to varying degrees, we’ll be there when someone needs to be put in their place.
If there’s someone in your life whom you feel could use a little bit of chaos, disorder, and annoyance in their life, check out our Get In Their Head™ Line of services. With choices like the Neverending Facebook Debate, Glitter Bombs, and the Mansplainer’s Special, your enemy’s copious ugly back hairs are sure to bristle with annoyance!
For the less faint of heart, we offer a number of truly destructive products that will legitimately make your target’s life a living Hell. Our Fake News, Public Doxxing, and Deep Fake Video specials have the potential to ruin careers, destroy romantic partnerships, and make a body want to move to another country and change their name! There’s no telling how far we’ll take it, until you try it. Visit our Store to learn more about our No Pussies Allowed™ Line of services, if you dare.
Purchase a service from our store, sit back, relax, and let us #ruintheirlife! You deserve it, and so do they!
We are always pioneering new products so don’t forget to check back regularly!
Our Mean Team™ are always dreaming up new inventions to unleash. Recently we've been developing a new line of stalker clowns expected to be released imminently.
The Mean Team™
Chad LaDouche (pronounced “la-doo-CHAY” - get it right, idiot) is the CEO and founder of Tormentors R Us. Like all real Americans, Chad worked hard for every penny and good idea he ever had, relentlessly pulling himself up by the bootstraps since he was old enough to ride a horse. He was never handed anything except a trust fund and a modest Ferrari at the age of 16, which he thought was pretty lame so he had James sell it and get him a Mercedes-Benz (DDAIF) S65 AMG Cabriolet instead. There are only 300 of those and they’re really expensive. The self-proclaimed youngest self-made CEO in all of history and Slime Magazine’s 2019 Person of the Year, Chad LaDouche could pick up any girl from any bar in the Western Hemisphere. Watch and learn, nerds!
Ever since she was a young girl growing up in Bloomfield Hills, Michigan, Karen White has had a passion for social media, complaining about small irrelevant details to people who have no authority to change them, and selling things by talking loudly over the voices of her competitors. A very famous force of nature in the marketing world, Karen was named #WebGurl’s #queen of #hashtags in 2017, was voted 2019 Career Girl of the Year by badbishesofcorporateamerica.com, and has been hailed as “a woman who stands strong in situations of customer service injustice, beautiful but not slutty, knows her way around the world of marketing but in ways I understand and am therefore not intimidated by, and who speaks her mind but only to people with less social and financial capital than she has. The perfect woman, and a fantastic mother” by Manny Mansfield of Men’s World Weekly. Her illustrious trophy case of marketing mentions includes foodpix.net’s Most Reblogged Picture of a Smoothie (2015), and MrktTHIS Convention’s Best Instagram Marketing Campaign of the Year (2018). Her shrill voice of perfectionism makes us proud to call her our Chief Marketing Strategist.
Bryan Idleman knows that you can’t spell “cyberbullying” without “cyber”, and that “cyber” means “computers”, because Bryan Idleman knows how to read. He also knows how to code and hack, which is super badass! After a long and robust career in cell phone sales, followed by a brief stint in Moscow working at a top secret government agency doing cool computer stuff, Bryan is back in the old US of A, using his international training to help us do what we do best: torment people on your behalf! Using the latest technology and internationally-recognized meme-making techniques - Пожалуйста Пожалуйста! - Bryan Idleman leads our Technology Department with finesse, style, and creativity unparalleled by anyone ever.
Our Mean Team™ members need the scoop on their targets, and Tripp McDougan, ex-cop and handsome fellow, is here to get it. Some will say he was fired from the Citytown Police Department for misconduct before joining the Mean Team™, but anyone paying attention knows that’s impossible - cops can't get fired! He quit of his own accord! Because he calls the shots! Using his unprecedented sleuthing skills to discover Mean Team™ targets’ most personal information and darkest secrets, he is an invaluable asset to our team. No piece of information is off limits for Tripp - he’ll get the dirt needed to mess up some lives!
Do you ever read the comments on a YouTube video and think to yourself, “Whoa! That guy’s a genius!” Us, too, and “that guy” is Bob Blintzer. Bob may have dropped out of college after one semester because all his professors were dumb boring know-it-alls, but it was the right choice for him because now he is the smartest man alive, and your stupid if you disagree!!!!!!! After joining the Mean Team™ in 2016, Bob quickly rose through the ranks of Tormentors R Us’s Troll Department, totally owning everyone in his path and becoming Lead Troll. Bob’s life is one big all-caps strawman argument party, and your enemies are all invited!
As a 16 year old boy about to enter his Junior year of high school, Brayden understands better than anyone that the times are changing fast, and the only way to stay relevant in the cyberbullying industry is to keep up with the fast-paced evolution of culture and technology. To really deliver sick burns to the Gen Z crowd, you have to know how to talk, act, and think like a Zoomer, which Bryan totally does. An expert in software and hardware who built a computer once during Tech Camp when he was 12, Brayden brings to the table a keen understanding of modern technology and its applications in the field of professional Torment by Proxy. Bryan’s social skills are (fire emoji), and he uses them for pure evil! Watch out, dorks!